put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
Randomize
