Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
It's a 'fuck poison control' kind of night.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Randomize
