She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
Randomize
