i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Randomize
