left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Remember that pineapple I soaked in vodka last month? Just found it- nothing is growing on it? Think it's safe?
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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