I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Thanks for walking over, a conversation about David Bowie's dick as a muppet is exactly what my day was missing.
I passed out with my wizard stick taped to my hands and got woken up being poked with a St. Bernard
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
