if i were to get pulled over right now, the only thing i would be guilty of is listening to 90's Mariah Carey
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
We're going to catch a squirrel this summer
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
