dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
