how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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