i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
