GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
The highlight of the trip was definitely my dad telling me that I "used to be his prettiest daughter."
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
