Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I once puked on the side of the hwy driving home and it somehow made me feel more Canadian. So don't rule it out
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
Randomize
