Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
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