Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Randomize