Partly cloudy chance of praying to the porcelin gods
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
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