I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
