so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
