i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I bet they don't have a scenario slide on how to deal with a suggested three way with counsel during harassment training.
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
Boobs are out for the taking
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
Randomize
