what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
The difference between you and me last night was that I didn't remember getting into the cab and you didnt know we were in one.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
