The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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