how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
Couch. On fire.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
