so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
