Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
She's started this new thing where whenever she drives by random couples talking alone outside she yells "break up! this is your sign!"
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
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