i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
meow
WTF. STOP SENDING ME ANIMAL NOISES. ITS FUCKING WEIRD.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
Either I'm still drunk or the right side of the bed is now the left side.
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
It's going to be like a slumber party but with ketamine
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
