The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I just had to beg some random guy to help me climb through your porch window since the door was locked. FYI...i hear you having sex in there. You could of at least taken a break to unlock the damn door. WTF!!!
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I think after tonight I'm 85% lesbian
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I will give him this, every time we go to the club he gets a stripper's actual number.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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