someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I sharted in my christmas pjs :(
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