Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
So bad night, ended up beating off to porn and eating Keebler elf cookies.... at the same time :-(
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
I was rubbing the clit just like wikipedia told me to.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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