You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
He yelled "juice on the loose", yes i am sure i need plan b
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
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