he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
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