hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
