I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
Randomize
