You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
Randomize
