I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Wait is this place where the strippers are missing teeth and I think one is missing a thumb? Though I don't know how she would maneuver on the pole without a thumb. Pls advise.
I just saw a girl on the phone crying and eating a sandwich. Thats talent right there.
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
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