so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
Randomize
