your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
It's six am and her daughter just walked in on her mom and roomful of naked people playing strip spoons. glad Im apart of that childhood memory....
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
These tits shall not be calmed
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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