hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
