just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
They left at like 4. I got up to help clean their house this morning and we found his pants. No ones heard from him, we're all a little scared.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
The only way I can describe this shit is male aloe vera plant in both looks and feel its standing in the toilet
Thanks for that....my girlfriend picked up my phone and saw that
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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