Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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