if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
my throat is bruised, my back is scarred, my vagina feels like it's going to fall off.. you're like godzilla. you destroy everything.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
