true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
It's a testament to the kinds of spouses/parents we will be that we get so wasted but still show up to every class on time. We honor our commitments bitches!
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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