So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Pulling on my sock literally just took me 5 minutes.. The hangover is real
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
