As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
He is into some weird shit i walked in his room last night he was waving his hard dick around hitting shit yellin cock fight
He better not be in your backpack
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
