I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
I'm not sure what happened. But I must have won because I obviously stole two full pitchers of beer from the bar and taped a note on them saying "your welcome"
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
In the middle of our bar crawl last night we stopped to pet dogs at a dog park. who would let a drunk person bet play with their dog???
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
