I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
