What did we do last night that was yellow?
i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
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