Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
You were cuddling with an eight iron and I was eating a fajita completely ignoring your presence.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Randomize
