i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
You ever just SEE a guy and know he's good at choking someone out?
It's 3 am.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
