As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
We accept all of your sexual lovers, Jewish, episcopalian, atheist. Dick is dick
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
