Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
My ex gave me head because she said she didn't enough when we were dating... Best ex ever? I think yes.
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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