Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
for me, it's working out the tricky timing of the Viagra and nightly laxative.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
Fucking a younger guy is now a game of odds. The chance that he gives me corona virus is outweighed by the evening of orgasms I know he’ll give me.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
