Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
I'm sobbing to NWA
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
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