guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
i would punch a child for taco bell
Tip for today: never try to fart and swallow at the same time. You'll end up choking on whatever you are currently swallowing and shit yourself from the freakout of choking.
If you can't do the LSAT hung over. You can't do the LSAT. That's the real practice.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The 78 year old woman who works next to me divorced her ex husband, remarried her first husband, and retired all in one day. I'd say it makes your breakup on Valentine's day pretty insignificant.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
Randomize
