I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
The bubbles in my bathtub are singing to me in german....
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Randomize
