I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
