I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
Randomize
