Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
He jacked off on my pillow when he found out I left. It was like coming home and finding that your dog, with separation anxiety, had pooped in your shoes. I think I'm flattered...
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
omg how embarrassing to not hear the delivery person knocking because you're singing "where are you Pizza" to the tune of "where are you christmas" too loudly
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
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