My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Randomize
