Tried to buy Xanax from my boss last night. Wrong Mike.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Randomize
