He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Randomize
