Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
So apparently when he was telling people he was in Alaska for 6 months he was actually in jail
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
