dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
I'm like a great zombie Jesus.
Randomize
