I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
last night I used snow as a chaser
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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