Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
Randomize
