the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
I'll call it a tollerance break and either will be celebrating my new job with a bowl or will be smoking my sadness away from not getting the job. Either way.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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