i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
