Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
Randomize
