I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
I made her dinner: Beefaroni with grated parmesan cheese on top. Luckily she showed up drunk and gave me head, "For spending so much time preparing."
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
