you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
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