I want you more than these girls want KFC
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
