so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
She said if you lived here it would be like the x rated version of 3's company
Randomize