i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Randomize