I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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