We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
Randomize
