i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I'm 11 for 13 getting drunker than the person who's birthday it is
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
