I hope mine doesn't look like that
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
Lo siento on account of my penis...
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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