I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
So gin and wine won't be happening again
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
i actually texted him "nice to see you" but then there was a saved draft "i think about you when i get off." dodged that bullet...
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
