I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
Put on my pants to go to work and discovered they had melted.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
