When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
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