Writing my paper on freud at bar
??
Going up to girls and asking if they were anal explosive or anal retentive as children
Smooth
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
Randomize
