The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Randomize
