gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
i have this gut feeling friday is going to be interesting.\nAnd by interesting I mean I feel like im going to get punched in the face by his girlfriend.
get over here soon, theyre throwing bbeers at us from the roof. keyword : throwing
I came out, you were peeing on the car and when I asked why you said it deserved it because its a rental
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
My younger brother asked me "to stop fucking his girlfriends older sisters"
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